mummy toh was so heartbroken last night
after seeing her crestfallen girl sobbing so hard.
i can imagine how upset every parent would be
to see their child getting hurt.
mummy toh brought me up painstakingly.
all she wants is to see me happy,
not to see her baby girl crying her heart out.

i'm sorry mummy.
i'm sorry to make you worry.
i'm sorry that you'll see me in such a state.
i'm sorry to break your heart.
mummy toh said:
"why is my precious baby girl
crying so badly"
i am my mum's baby girl.
have been and always will be a child to them.

i remembered the last time she saw me cry
was a day before alevels.
i had a breakdown from all that stress.
she was torn apart on that day too.

you know they always say that parents
are like worms in your tummy
cause they always know what we're up too.
i think its true.
the weirdest thing happened last night.
i didnt even breathe a single word to her
mummy toh said
"so how did the long hair guy bully you
this time?"
surprisingly, she didnt think that its C.
and its true, its not C.

the way that mummy toh trusts C
scares me sometimes.
she has like complete faith and trust in him.
like as though she knows that
he'll never make me cry.
first time that she isnt skeptical about a guy
being around me. i should be glad right?
but what if one day C really bullies me?
i think she will think that i'm the one being
unreasonable and bullying him instead. ):

my eyes and their sockets hurt.
swollen like pingpong balls too.
uglyyyy to the skies.
tummy isnt being good too.
i feel like someone just drilled a hole through it.
body body please dont die on me noww.


/i am your woman and you're my man.
thirty four days